"Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking."
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
*What's your thought about this said?*
"Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking."
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
*What's your thought about this said?*
"It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life." - Elizabeth Kenny
I attended a crusade and someone touched my shoulder and said "YOU WILL WALK". I didn't bother because I knew I was not lame. After the crusade, I touched my pocket and I couldn't find my wallet which contained my transport fare```!!!...
*Behold, I WALKED.*
*Don't stop laughing*
``` Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
A few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For You, One For Me, One For You". He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a Church nearby, for the priest.
"Father, pls come with me. Come & witness God & satan sharing corpses at the cemetery". They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For You, One For Me, One For You'...
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said: "What About The Two At The Gate?" Let's get them ... You should see the marathon.
The priest almost ran pass the church gate shouting: "We Are Not Dead Yet oohh```
*laugh out loud*
FIRST BANK ATM debited an elderly man 20K twice in front of me without dispensing cash, he grabbed me & shouted; "you are not going anywhere because you are my only witness ooo...
This is Nigeria, *smiles*.
*PLEASE WHAT SHOULD I DO?*
Did you know?
Water won't put out a grease fire.
Do your research to find out about this!
What do you know about water!
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
*Are Your Friends Smarter Than You Are?*
Oya tell us if you think you're smarter than your friends or not!!!
2019 WAEC PAST QUESTIONS
SUBJECT: HISTORY
INSTRUCTIONS: ANSWER ALL SECTION A
1. In what year did a senator jump out of a moving vehicle?
A.2015
B.2016
C.2017
D.2018
2. Which Nigerian president is good at letter writing?
A. Yar Adua
B. Buhari
C. Obasanjo
D. Jonathan
3. Which Nigerian president accused Nigerian youths of being lazy
A. Babangida
B. Obasanjo
C. Buhari
D. Gowon
4. Which country In the African continent do their wives belong to the kitchen and other rooms?
A. Congo
B. Togo
C. Ivory coast
D. Nigeria
5. If the article "Transmitted Transmission" were to be a setup, who might have masterminded it?
A. Ekweremadu
B. Saraki
C. Melaye
D. None of the above
SECTION B. ESSAY: ANSWER ALL QUESTIONS
1. In which regime in Nigeria's history did a snake swallow N30 million naira? (20 marks)
2. Who is the auto of the article "Transmitted Transmission"? (30 marks)
3. For ur mind who do you think is responsible for the hilarious article titled "TRANSMITTED TRANSMISSION" (30 marks)
E shock you abi? You are on your own GOODLUCK!
Transfer to others because we have limited question paper.
Your time starts now!
*Prove to us you have what it take to get an "A"*
Did you know?
Air isn't mostly oxygen.
Do your research to find out about this!
Tell us your outcome!
'Tutor: Jerry finish these sentences... many are called but.....?
Jerry: but only a few have credit to call back.
*what a jerry he was, lols*
Teacher: all stupid people should stand up
(Jerry stood up)
Teacher: so, jerry you are stupid?
Jerry: No ma, I just can't bear you standing alone.
*lolz*
Did you know?
Women have more pain receptors than men.
Do your research to find out about this!
Tell us your outcome!
Ex-Unilag girl who passed away last month. Her name is Lola. She was hit by a car at Oyingbo on her way to work at Apapa. She was working with MTN. She had a boyfriend named Jerry, a banker who was recently transferred to Abuja. Both of them were true lovers. She spent half of the day and most nights talking with Jerry on her phone. Lola's family knew about their relationship.
Jerry was very close to Lola's family in spite of the tribal differences. (Just imagine their love.) Before she passed away at LUTH, she told her friends: "If I pass away, please bury me with my cell phone" She also said the same thing to her parents. After her death at LUTH, the attendants couldn't carry her body to the mortuary.
A lot of them tried to do so but couldn't. So they went to call a priest in the church who had the gift of communicating with the dead. He sprinkled some salt and water on the body and started speaking to himself slowly. After a few minutes, he said: "this girl is missing something". Then her friends told them about her intention to be buried with her phone. They asked them to bring a coffin, and when they opened it, and placed her phone inside the casket. After that, they tried to carry the body which could now be moved and they carried it away easily. Everyone was shocked.
A day later which was Lola's birthday, Jerry came to their house with gifts but was so shocked to receive the news. He couldn't believe it because he still spoke with Lola the previous day, He then tried calling her phone again in their presence and behold! It rang and Lola picked it and they were chatting. They called the priest to come and intervene and when he came and prayed for 5 hours, It was revealed that MTN is everywhere you go.
Chill! Don't insult me yet, because I'm also looking for the idiot that composed this......lolz.
But you like gist sha! See how you concentrated on this... Oya don't be selfish pass it on by sharing...
*Put a smile on someones face*
Jerry was walking in a bush and suddenly saw a lion in front of him. He knelt down, praying to God to deliver him. When he opened his eyes, he saw the lion kneeling also praying
Jerry: "are you also a Christian?"
Lion: "shut up" don't you pray before you eat?
*Do you pray before you eat?*
Tell us, you won't be beating!
Jerry's next-door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Jerry's family to come over and see their new baby. Jerry's parents were very afraid their son would have silly words to say about the baby. So, Jerry's dad had a long talk with Jerry before going to the neighbor’s house. He said, "Now, son, that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to beat you when we get back home." "I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Jerry.
At the neighbor’s house, Jerry leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at his mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!" The mother, who had braced herself for Jerry's comment, was pleasantly surprised and said, "Thank you very much, Jerry." Jerry then continued, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can see clearly?" The mother who was a bit surprised, replied; "Why, yes ... his doctor said he has a good vision, why do you ask?" Jerry said, "Well, it's a good thing because I'm very sure he can't wear glasses.
* I guess jerry never said a word about the little baby's ear,
but what indirect insult was that,
laughing out loud*
Do you have a Jerry in your family?
Did you know?
High heels were first designed for men.
Do your research to find out about this!
Tell us your outcome!
Did you know?
Shakespeare invented the name, Jessica.
Share your thought!
A s*x Robot was designed to satisfy women. It was tested with 3 women, the first woman was a Hausa woman, after one hour, she came out, smiled, saying, "gaskiya, e sweet me die".
The next woman was a Yoruba woman, after 3hrs with the robot, she also came out smiling & said, ooooshey!!!
The last woman was a Calabar woman, after 11 hours, the woman was not still out, so the security had to go check thinking the robot had killed her only for them to open the door to see the Calabar woman chasing the robot up and down saying, "come here you liar, if your battery is down, how come you can still run??? Calabar people.....
*What do you think???*
Did you know?
The longest place name in the world is 85 letters long. “Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu is in New Zealand and is 85 letters long”
Can you pronounce it?
Tell us!
Jerry: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Sandra: Awww... Yes!!!
Jerry: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me
*laughing out loud*
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Jerry"
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
*laughing out loud*
Did you know?
Chewing gum is banned in Singapore.
Where else is chewing gum banned?
Share with us!
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
Jerry: It gets toad away.
*You don't mean it...*
A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam."
The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way."
He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. The pastor's son responded, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"
*laughing out loud*
Facts
Light can travel through a vacuum. Light makes it possible for us to see. You should make people see through you, the goodness of God in my life.
What's Your Say About Light?
Share your thoughts
Did you know?
Birds don't urinate.
I guess you haven't noticed one?
Share your thoughts
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Jerry: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Jerry: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Jerry: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
how many would you have?: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, wherein the heck do you get seven from?!"
Jerry: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
Did You Know?
The longest human hop ever recorded was 26 feet.
Share your thoughts
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks’ vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"
The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Did you know?
In 1932, the Australian army went to war against emus that were destroying farmland. The Army lost.
*Wonderful*
Facts
Light travels on a wave and it doesn't need any matter or material to carry its energy.
What Is Success To You?
Share your thoughts
Nobody is more careful than a guy chatting with a new Girl he's toasting...
He will even go to the dictionary to confirm the spelling of "ARE"...
*smiles, how do you chat with a girl for the first time?*
During the exam, Jerry kept looking under the table, then he would write on the answer sheet. His teacher saw him doing that & thought he was copying. When collecting the paper after the exam.
Teacher: I'm going to minus 10 marks.
Jerry: Hiiaaa!! Why sir?
Teacher: For copying.
Jerry: How do you know that I was copying?
Teacher: I saw you looking under the table.
Jerry: *laughing* Question 9 said, STUDY THE TABLE BELOW.
*laughing out loud*
Facts
Success is your positive influence on other people.
What Is Success To You?
Share your thoughts
Did you know?
Spaghetto, confetto, and graffito are the singular forms of spaghetti, confetti, and graffiti.
Teacher: class chooses between money and brain?
Jerry: I’d go for the money
Teacher: I’d go for the brain
Jerry: Well, everybody goes for what he doesn't have!
*wow, what an insult*
JOKE OF THE DAY FOR MY READERS:
A mother and her child having a conversation
Mother: How do you recognize jerry in school
Child: He is the one who erases the notes from his book when the teacher erases the board.
*share a memory of a friend with us*
Jerry was sent to deliver a live chicken in Lagos...
On his way, a careless Bike man hit him and he fell to the ground. The chicken immediately ran off; When Jerry saw the chicken running, he started laughing...
A man who saw what happened asked him why he was laughing. He said: ''See this stupid chicken oo, where does she know in Lagos when the address is with me"
*One word for him*
FACT
Light is a wave. Look out for making waves in your community. Light is a wave and it can expand. Therefore expand in all areas. Light radiates in all directions.
What is light to you?
Please, share your opinion!!!
So you are moving around with a short nika without a belt abi, so that when u see a fine girl you will quickly rape her without being caught abi.
My brother if u don't have 1,000 naira there just jejely enter motor. You are under arrest for attempted rape.
*Most of them loves to harass*
Have you even be harassed by Nigerian police?
Na wa oo person no go make calls again near bridges? I just parked my car near 3rd mainland bride to answer an urgent call and over 100 vehicles parked and the occupants begging me not to do it!
That they will help me with whatever problems I have!
They thought I wanted to jump and commit suicide! As a sharp person, I quickly told them I owe somebody 20m! Come see alert for my phone as they gather money to stop me from jumping.
Chie this one na good business oo it's better than MMM wey they give help.
I will go to another bridge tomorrow. Laugh the stress of the day away.
Buhari met with the Queen of England in London. He asked her.
Buhari: How do you run such an efficient government here? Are there any tips you can give to me? I want to help Nigeria.
QUEEN: The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.
Buhari: How do I know the people around me are really intelligent?
QUEEN: Oh, that's easy. Just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.
The Queen sent for David Cameron. David Cameron walked into the room.
CAMERON: Yes, your majesty. You sent for me.
QUEEN: Answer this riddle. David, your mother, and father have a child, it is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
CAMERON: hmmm... that would be me.
QUEEN: Yes, very good.
When Buhari came back home he sent for Abba Kyari. Kyari walks into Buhari's office.
Kyari: Sir you call me.
Buhari: Yes sit down and answer this, Your mother and your father have a child, it's not your brother and it's not your sister, who is it?
Kyari: I'm not sure; let me get back to you.
He asked all his staff in the office but none could give him an answer. Kyari ran to Fashola.
Kyari asked him: Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or sister, who is it?"
FASHOLA: That's easy. It's me!
Kyari smiled and said, Thanks! Then he went back to speak with President Buhari.
Kyari: Sir, I have the answer to that riddle, It's Babatunde Raji Fashola!
Buhari got angry and said to Kyari No wonder Nigeria isn't moving forward, I am surrounded by dummies! The answer is. David Cameron!!!
*Even Buhari is dum*
you didn't see that right?
Did You Know?
The average mammal takes 21 seconds to empty its bladder.
How long does it take to empty yours???
Please, share with us!!!
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.
"My father grows beans," said one girl.
"My mother cooks beans," said a boy.
A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
*laughing out loud*
FACT
The speed of the wave of the light waves is equal to the speed of the wavelength.
Do you know?
Please, share your opinion!!!
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes.
Then he started looking in and under cars until a policeman approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."
*smiles...*
15 Minutes After Being Kidnapped
Sandra: Excuse Sir, don't tell my mummy you kidnapped me in ado ekiti oh... Nah man carry me come ado ekiti.
A 3 years old boy called ‘Jerry’ sits near a pregnant woman.
Jerry: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Jerry: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Jerry: Then why did you eat it?!
*laughing out loud*
